


A Doctor's Heart

by Dalankar



Category: Heartless City
Genre: M/M, Spoilers, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 04:44:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4733207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalankar/pseuds/Dalankar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soo yah, let's swallow these streets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Doctor's Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Because I loved this drama.

_Soo yah, let's swallow these streets._

 

 

When he had first started, he'd known exactly where he would end. When the drug cartels were destroyed, and the streets were safe, no more mothers died from overdoses, when the bad guys were in prison and the good guys have won. When he can finally go back and wear his uniform again. When he wouldn't ever have to lie to anyone ever again.

Then he'd be done.

But somewhere in the middle things had gotten messy. He'd made deals to protect people he should hand over to the police instead. He'd fallen in love with people he should have stayed away from. And he couldn't see the end so clearly anymore.

 

Long time ago, when his life was much simpler, he'd dreamed that they'd be a family, Jinsook, Safari and him. That he'd come home from school and Jinsook would have made dinner and Safari would come home from work and they'd have a meal together. A family like everyone else. A normal life.

And when that fell apart, Min Hongki had come into his life.

But now he realises that maybe it all fell apart when Min Hongki had come into his life.

 

Doctor's son. Safari names him first. And he remembers loving the thought at first. Before it becomes bitter in his heart, before he decides wear his bitterness as a badge. Before he turns it around and reflects it back at the world.

_Doctor's son._

He hates it. But every time he hears it, it reminds him who he is. What he is here for.

Jung Shihyun cannot exist, will not exist until he wins this war.

 

He has always thought he was alone. His mother was dead and he was alone in the world. Should he find it ironic that it is vengeance for that loss that brought him to his new family? That he found something he thought he'd never have again, maybe something that is even better than before, is it strange that he'd die for them when he was only supposed to use them?

Even if it's vengeance that has kept him moving, it's something else entirely that keeps his heart beating.

 

 

 

He wonders if he should have wanted something else. If he should have just left. Then maybe everything could have been different. But then maybe he would never have met Jinsook. Or Safari. Or Soo. Would he choose a different life if it means he'd never meet them? Would his life be worth never knowing them? Never loving them?

 

 

 

Jinsook must be an angel, that's what he thinks at the start. How can she not be? She is beautiful, and kind and loves him. An angel just like what the nuns had said at the orphanage. She is the first person he loves after his mother, and he loves her so fiercely that sometimes he lies awake at night fearful of what would happen when she realizes that he has betrayed her. That he'd been lying all along.

But no matter how many times he asks her to leave, she never does. She stays and he knows why.

She loves him just as much as he loves her.

For this, his steps might falter. For this he might die. For Jinsook, he is willing to sacrifice everything.

 

They'd only mentioned Paris on a whim. But then the idea had taken hold. And it had become their dream.

_Once we're settled, one we're on top, then we'd go, then we'd have that holiday we've always wanted, the one we deserve._

It had been nice to hear Jinsook talk about this. To see Safari watching her with smiling eyes. And even Soo who'd roll his eyes but secretly listen, lips quirking up in amusement by the time Jinsook would start wondering about snails. Shihyun would push the guilt down, press it back and promise her that yes, they'd go one day. Of course they'd go. And it wouldn't even feel like a lie. Because as much as he thinks he'll never go to Paris, he'd still like to. It is his dream too.

 

It's Safari who teaches him to reach for the top, who tells him how.

_You crawl and you cling, and you hold on until your fingers bleed, and you hope and pray that you make it, that the choices you've made are the right ones and the sacrifices you've made are big enough. That everything is worth it to get there in the end, and you can finally breathe at the top._

Shihyun believes him.

Even after they've betrayed each other over and over again, Shihyun believes it. But he knows Safari doesn't believe it his own words anymore, that he's letting the current pull him down where it inevitably leads.

 

Kim Hyunsoo is an arrogant, impatient bastard when he first meets him. Shihyun likes him straight away. Because as hard as it is to get past his initial distrust, once Hyunsoo lets him in, he hides nothing and Shihyun learns to read him like the pages of a beloved book.

And he loves it, the thrill of the fight, knowing that Soo has his back. That they can take on anything. He's never known this feeling before, never had someone like this before. He'd thought it'd be difficult to put his life in the hands of a criminal. But he falls into it like he was always meant to. Like Soo was always meant to be beside him.

 

 

 

The wound stings as Soo dabs disinfectant over it with a cotton bud and he lets out a low hiss. Soo's eyes flicker up to his'.

"You were the fool who started the fight without waiting for me," Soo tells him reasonably.

Shihyun chuckles.

"It's just a small cut."

Soo's brows furrow as he takes the lie and tapes the wound closed with adhesive.

"Don't do that again," Soo's voice is low and Shihyun knows him well enough now to tell that he is upset.

"Soo yah-"

Soo glares at him. "Don't leave me behind."

Shihyun looks at him, raising a hand to rest it over Soo's shoulder, fingers brushing over the long hair that brushes over his nape.

"I'm sorry, Soo."

Soo shrugs.

Those lines on Soo's forehead, those pursed lips, these careful, precise hands, here at 2 am in the morning. For him. Just for him.

Shihyun swallows. This should be impossible. Impossible for him.

But he pulls Soo closer with the hand in his shoulder.

"I won't leave you behind," he promises. He promises this, knowing he wouldn't have meant it at the start.

But he means it now.

Soo nods, as if he'd known it was true all along, as if there is no other way for them.

Shihyun smiles and presses even closer.

 

He looks at Hyungmin and sees what he could have been. Sees what he could be. And tells himself that he can never be that, not anymore, not when he's tied himself so strongly to the Doctor's son.

At first he thinks Hyungmin is an idiot, and seethes in anger that while he's risking his life every day, this fool might ruin everything. But he realises after many encounters that Hyungmin has instincts that might rival his own, that he never follows blindly, that he trusts himself more than the words of others.

He doesn't let himself think about it, that in another life it might have been Hyungmin at his shoulder and not Soo. But life never gave him a choice, and to be truthful he's utterly glad that he never had to decide.

 

He startles awake, senses already alert and ready for a fight. But there is nothing. No threat. No assassins concealed behind the curtains or under the bed. It must have been a dream. Shihyun exhales in relief. Soo is asleep, chest rising and falling gently with every breath. The painkillers have really done their job. Normally Soo is a lighter sleeper than Shihyun himself.

It is a miracle that nothing was broken. And the doctors had patched up the other wounds, deciding to keep Soo overnight at the hospital just in case.

Kim Hyunsoo. This bastard who never backs down from a fight, who'd face a hundred men by himself if he has to, who has made Shihyun more afraid in the last eight years than anyone ever has. But at least this time is better than the last. Shihyun remembers the way his heart had frozen. Just for that one terrifying moment, he had thought Soo was dead. And that moment when he had seen blood still seeping out of the wound, at that moment he would have given up everything, would have done anything for Soo's life.

"What are you doing?"

He manages not to startle when Soo speaks. He sits up straighter on the chair.

"How are you feeling?" He asks instead.

Soo watches him for a moment before rolling his eyes.

"Like shit. But what the fuck are you doing falling asleep on a chair?"

Shihyun blinks. He hadn't realised he'd fallen asleep.

"Go home, Shihyun ah," Soo tells him, voice soft with painkillers.

Shihyun shakes his head.

"I'm okay."

Soo sighs and gingerly shifts sideways on the bed.

"Come on then."

"No, Soo yah, you need your rest."

Soo chuckles. "We're just going to sleep, you idiot."

"I know that but-"

Soo tilts his face towards him. "I'm tired, Shihyun ah. So stop arguing with me and come to bed."

Shihyun takes off his jacket and shoes before settling on the side of the bed, trying to take up as little space as possible. But then Soo laughs and pulls him closer, so that they're sharing the pillow and their hands are twined under the sheets.

They lie still for the longest moment. Then Shihyun turns his head. Soo's eyes are closed.

"Soo yah-" he tries softly.

"Yeah?"

Shihyun take in the familiar planes of Soo's face, memorizes the way his dark hair is spread over the pillow, and how warm he is. Soo has always been so, so warm.

"Thank you for being okay."

Soo's eyes flicker, threatening to open.

But they don't. Instead, Shihyun sees the way Soo's breath catches, and the way he swallows, tilting his face almost towards Shihyun.

"I'm not so easy to kill," Soo says, voice so soft and low.

Shihyun reaches out with his free hand, fingers hovering over Soo's face.

_I'm sorry,_ he wants to say. _I'm sorry I got you in to this._

"I know," he says and presses his lips gently over Soo's cheek.

_I won't let you die._

 

He can't quite believe it, that director Min gave him up. That maybe he was never on his side. Anger sears his heart. He's going to end this. One way or another, he will put a stop to it all.

 

But then Soo finds out. Soo finds out and even when he knows that it was Min who had told him, even then, when Soo turns his back on him, Shihyun feels his heart break.

Soo walks away and his world shatters.

_I'm sorry I never told you._

_I would never have betrayed you._

_Soo yah, I'm on your side._

_Kim Hyunsoo._

_Don't leave._

_Don't leave me._

 

He doesn't remember the last time he cried. He thinks maybe he never has, not even when his mother died.

But Jinsook apologizes. She apologizes when it should be him. He should be on his knees, begging her to forgive him, pleading for her to stay.

But she's proud of him. She loves him, even when he's been lying to her all this time.

He'd thought he'd lost everything.

Everything he'd worked for.

He's already lost Soo.

He thinks he would have given up if Jinsook had let him go.

If she had told him she never wants to see him again.

But she loves him.

She loves him even when he had betrayed her.

So he's going to finish this, director Min, chairman Jo, this whole charade.

For Jinsook. For Soo.

For Safari.

It wasn't for nothing. Everything he's done, he won't let it all be for nothing.

 

The blood freezes in his veins when he call comes.

Soo alone against chairman Jo.

That fool! That stupid bastard! Shihyun is never going to forgive him. Never. Not for this.

He holds on to the anger because he feels fear coming at him in overwhelming waves.

Why? Why? Why would he do this?

Soo hates him.

Doesn't he?

_Hate me and stay alive, Soo yah._

_Kim Hyunsoo, please._

_Wait for me._

 

Ji Hyungmin is a good cop. A better man.

But Shihyun wants to end this himself.

_Jinsook, I'm sorry._

The sun light reflects off the pools and shines too brightly in his eyes.

That Min doesn't get away with this is all that matters. For everything he has taken from him. For all the sacrifices he'd been forced to make. For all the words that had come too late, this has to be the end.

He should have known, it was always going to end like this.

 

 

 

"Hey, Shihyun ah-"

He grimaces and opens his eyes a crack. The light is too bright and stings at his eyes.

"Yah, Jung Shihyun!"

His eyes fly open.

Soo is standing over him, a hand outstretched. He is smiling widely and beckons with his outstretched hand.

"Are you going to lie there all day? Let's go!"

He props himself up on to his elbows, shaking his head to clear it. And the memory of pain vanishes.

Pain?

He looks up at Soo. And feels the echo of loss in his heart.

"Soo yah-" his voice catches in his throat and he scrambles to his feet, hands and eyes searching.

There is no blood. No stab wounds.

_I'm sleepy_ , Soo had said, drifting against his shoulder.

"Shihyun ah..." Soo murmurs softly. Shihyun lifts his eyes to Soo's face but Soo's eyes are fixed on his chest. He looks down.

Bullet holes.

Soo lifts a hand, fingers brushing tremulously against the torn fabric.

"It's okay," he promises because Soo's eyes are wide. "It didn't hurt."

Soo's eyes flicker up to his face.

"You stupid bastard," Soo hisses, even when Shihyun can see the tears shining in his eyes. "I was trying to protect you!"

Shihyun takes a step closer, puts his hands on Soo's shoulders and leans their foreheads together.

"What did you want me do without you?" He whispers, closing his eyes. "What could I do without you?"

He feels Soo's breath catch.

"You were never supposed to love a fool like me," Soo whispers, hand clenching in the material of Shihyun's shirt.

Shihyun huffs out a laugh. "And you were never supposed to follow a fool like me."

"Shihyun ah-" Soo leans back and Shihyun opens his eyes, "is it too late?"

He smiles.

"No, Soo yah. It's not too late."

Soo's eyes search his', considering.

Then he smiles.

"Let's go then."

Shihyun watches him, already walking away.

For a moment he stands still.

It's okay now. He has no more burdens. No weight on his shoulders.

It's okay.

They're free.

Shihyun take a deep breath.

"Soo yah," he calls and Soo pauses, turning around and widening his eyes questioningly.

He smiles.

"Let's go together."

 

 

***


End file.
